Yes, I know, about now everyone is expecting another edition of Scruggs Nation, where folks gather round the indictment water cooler and drink deeply of the latest scruggsational news and analysis.
And that will come with the next post, but first, there is unfinished business regarding Jim Hood. How do I justify letting Hood on stage first? Easy. Look at how vital Hood has been in Scruggs’ Katrina run. I mean, Hood was like a blocker or a jammer in Roller Derby — how you gonna get counterclockwise around that track without him? For evidence, you need look no further than that "confidential informant" relationship the two had. They’ve drifted apart recently, you say? Possibly as a result of that strong odor of scandal wafting from the direction of the Scruggs stables? Hood has suddenly developed a compulsion to spend all day polishing his office desk and peeking out through the curtains? Come on, let’s get serious, don’t you sell Hood short. You think he’s gonna run for the tall grass? Not likely. It wasn’t but last week that Hood was slinging for Dickie once again, trying to get him out of having his deposition taken by State Farm. Face it, these guys are a team, they are joined together like links in a chain. I’ll leave it up to you to decide which is the weakest link.
The unfinished business is what to call posts when they are about Hood. Now, you have to rise pretty high to get a special name for posts about you on my blog, but I think Hood has earned it. I tried "Hood Nation," but that won’t do — readers hated it, plus it steals Scruggs’ spotlight, and one thing you don’t do if you know what’s good for you is to stand in Scruggs’ light. Or his shade, for that matter. Best if you step aside entirely. Here’s some reader suggestions for the marquee name for Hood posts:
- Hood N’ Plenty
I also tried out "Hoodnscruggs" for posts about both Scruggs and Hoods — because remember, these guys really work well together, they put the "confident" in "confidential informant" — but really, that was just a joke, too many brand names and it lowers the cache of the whole IP portfolio. I don’t think I need a name for joint Scruggs and Hood posts. Still, there were two suggestions I really liked. The first combined the names — Scrood Nation — in a way that suggested the inevitable outcome of the combination. The second played off the old Bartles and Jaymes commercials — the new version would be called Barters and Shames. There was even a clever commercial-like scenario where the two would shake down people for money, then ironically, use the old Bartles and Jaymes tagline: "Thank you for your support." Actually, sounds like a good scene to put in the musical I’m writing — The Katrina Follies, featuring a showstopping number with actors portraying Scruggs, Hood and the Rigsby sisters, backed by a chorus line of briefcase-carrying Scruggs Katrina Group lawyers, surrounded by huge, oversize copy machines cranking away at reams of paper, with State Farm claims documents falling gently from the sky like giant snowflakes. The song is called Do Da Data Dump and features this catchy refrain: "When Scruggs call the tune, everybody jump/ everybody love to do da data dump." Believe me, when the audience gets a load of this, it’s gonna take the roof off.